Embracing the Wait: Helpful Tips on How to Wait Patiently for Your Partner
A couple of days ago, I wrote a heartfelt post on the Single Girl Club Instagram about how I was feeling down the morning of Valentine’s Day. Although it’s a beautiful day that was meant to help us recognize the love that we have in our lives, I, at times, find myself getting triggered that I don’t have a significant other. I have so many different forms of love that I am grateful for, but in true transparency, not having the love of a life partner can really suck after all of the work I’ve done to prepare for one. I even find myself playing the comparison game, which leads me down a downward spiral, making me feel hopeless and discouraged.
After utilizing some of my healthier coping mechanisms, I eventually found myself in a better place. I took myself to breakfast at one of my favorite coffee spots. I grabbed myself a beautiful bouquet of roses and even invited my girlfriends over for dinner. We had a cute writing session where we wrote letters for those experiencing difficult times on the More Love Letters platform. However, it was the conversation I had with singleness advocate and the founder of Single Woman Chronicles, Ashleigh Guice, that helped me feel tremendously better. In our conversation, we discussed some of the ways that we could embrace the wait during this season of our lives and how important it is to allow ourselves to feel those feelings of disappointment. Our candid conversation highlighted the ups and downs of this season and ways we could navigate the exasperating moments we occasionally come across. Here are some of our biggest takeaways from the discussion.
My Valentine’s Day Post
Create New Hobbies During Your Lonely Window
Ashleigh kicked off the discussion, telling us about a phrase that she had coined called the “Lonely Window.” “The lonely window is a window of time where most single people, mostly single women, go through when they are really lonely or really yearning for their person,” Ashleigh states. She continues by telling us that “it is mostly triggered by a failed talking stage or Valentine's Day or rom-com films.” When we find ourselves in these situations, it’s important to practice healthy self-soothing tips in order to alleviate some of the sadness that this window can cause.
Ashleigh continued by asking, “What areas in our lives can we fill up?” I answered by stating that trying new hobbies has been helping me in those moments and briefly mentioned our January Woman Crush, Alese Adams, and her incredible challenge, Hobbies Over Him. The truth is—everyone struggles with loneliness from time to time, and it can affect those regardless of their marital status. However, there is strength in those willing to wait. It’s hard, but we have to be picky because if we are looking for a life partner, forever is a long time.
Reframe Your Thinking and Build Up Your Confidence
Next, Ashleigh shared ways that we could build up our confidence to help us embrace the wait. She teaches a cognitive therapy technique called reframing in her Embrace The Wait program, and she gave us an example of how she uses the technique with a thought she used to ruminate on during her adolescent years. Separating ourselves from the outcome can help us reframe our thinking and recognize that sometimes the decisions of others have nothing to do with us but, in fact, have to do with their own insecurities. We have to be careful about the thoughts we entertain, because those thoughts can trigger emotions, which then can form beliefs and manifest into reality.
Remember How Far You’ve Come
Ashleigh mentioned another technique that has helped her embrace the waiting period in her life is remembering how far she’s come. She reminisced about how she felt when she was involved with men who didn’t truly value her and how she used to have low self-worth and self-esteem while chasing men for their love. She has come so far and has done much of the necessary toilsome inner work that she will no longer allow herself to be placed in situations or spend time with individuals who don’t recognize her value.
Maintain Hope for Love
In her program, she teaches women to keep their hope alive and believe that their desire for partnership will come to fruition. “No matter what your relationship status is, that is not a depiction of how valuable you are,” she says. Remember that building a solid and strong foundation takes time, and healthy relationships are comprised of healthy individuals willing to do the work. During this season of your life, it’s important to learn how to love yourself in all phases and maintain the hope that you will attract a partner who will do the same.
To keep up with Ashleigh and to learn more about her Embrace the Wait Challenge, check out her website and podcast at Single Woman Chronicles.
About Ashleigh Guice
Photo courtesy of Ashleigh Guice
Ashleigh Guice is an author, blogger, and trained life coach with a Master of Positive Psychology. She created Single Woman Chronicles in 2015 to help other women feel empowered and supported while being single. She teaches self-worth and self-awareness with her motto: “Being single is a beautiful choice rather than a miserable circumstance.” After feeling isolated in her singleness. With years of blogging and battling unhealthy relationships, she turned her experience into encouragement. She hopes to continue to inspire women to be their best selves no matter their relationship status.
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