Singleness is a gift...
These seem to be every married couples favorite phrase to recite to single people. Next are the words "Enjoy this time" and it literally takes everything in me not to tell them to SHUT THE F*CK UP! Look, I know this season is about me finding myself and learning my likes and dislikes, but if I'm totally honest I feel incredibly lonely in this season too! Don't get me wrong, I have great friends and an amazing family, but sometimes I want companionship and not to mention... I would really enjoy being tossed around like a rag doll every once in a while! That was a sex joke....
Waiting is one of the hardest seasons and I keep trying to distract myself by doing miscellaneous things, but when everything is quite, and I am home alone, tipsy off my two glasses of chardonnay, the thought pops right back in my head, 'You're single'. Well, the thought that really pops into my head is 'I'd really enjoy sitting on someone's face'... I've been celibate for far to long.... can you tell? Followed by the infamous 'What's wrong with me' thought. I mean I know nothing is wrong with me.... I'm stunning, but I admit the thought does cross my mind every now and then. I have gotten better with recognizing when I have these thoughts and I have trained myself not to ponder on them longer than necessary. 10 seconds tops!
Just the other day I was having a conversation with my wise friend, Megan. All Me(a)gan's are geniuses btw. We were just discussing how it seems that every single one of our friends are tying the knot or having children. I mean its incredibly hard not to play the comparison game when you are surrounded by others who have what you want. Our conversation highlighted our want for a relationship and not our need for one. Then we got on this tangent about how dating for women is completely different than dating is for men. Men are allowed to be busy and they're allowed to cancel last minute, but when a woman is busy she doesn't have time for dating or she isn't prioritizing it.
Ummm excuse the f*ck out of me.... Why do I need to prioritize a complete stranger? I thought I was the prize?
Why am I supposed to be altering my schedule to fit some guy in for drinks at the last minute... Can't you niggas plan? I really don't think I am asking for too much when I say that I would like for a date to be planned properly. Ask me my schedule or when I am free, then plan around that! Don't give me a 2 hours notice for a drink meet up, its rude and incredibly inconsiderate. I could even go on an even longer rant about how much I hate drink dates... I'm a thick girl...FEED ME!
Although there are moments that I hate being single there are just as many that make me love it! One reason is... I have a lot of freedom when it comes to what I want. I don't have to consider anyone else's feelings but my own and I can spend my money any which way... which I need to stop doing, who is down for a money saving challenge? I can also travel at a moments notice and flirt with anyone I want!
I am trying to take the Paul approach to life and remind myself that I can be content in any situation. My happiness isn't a direct reflection of my circumstances and I need to detach myself from that type of thinking. I must choose happiness, joy, peace and love everyday and I need to look for it in other ways than just a relationship status. I am trying to be more like Marie Kondo and figure out what in my life...
I just hope if you are reading this and if you are going through the same thing, you realize you aren't the only one struggling with this season all married folk seem to be so found of. There is nothing wrong with you and everything meant for you will come to you! We just need to be patient and enjoy the journey. We miss a lot of what life has to offer because we are too focused or worried about the future. But as a wise man once said "The present is a gift, that's why it's called the Present".
All of this was brought to you by my weekly Cancer emotional meltdown! As always if this blessed you, share it and if you hated it, keep it to yourself :)