3 Reasons Why You Should Be Dating Yourself!
Updated: Jun 10
I remember while growing up, my mother made it a habit to take herself out for solo dates and I didn’t understand why she didn’t want to include my brother and I. I thought it was a bit strange that she preferred to dine alone, but as I got older I began to realize the importance of dating myself and spending time in solitude. Dating yourself can still be considered somewhat of a faux pas for others, however, I think it’s such a beautiful way to get to know your true self.
The purpose of dating is to evaluate the suitability of another for a potential life long commitment. So when you date yourself, you’re essentially evaluating whether you’re prepared to enter into a commitment with someone else. Spending this necessary time alone forces you to ask yourself honest questions and gives you space to reflect. I’m a firm believer that relationships are 50/50 and you shouldn’t enter in one assuming your partner will complete you, so enjoying your own company is crucial. Forget what Reneé Zellweger said in Jerry Maguire, you are already complete! You shouldn’t be dependent on someone else to love you, you've got to love yourself first.
“If you don't love yourself,
how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?”
There are many reasons why Dating yourself is beneficial but I have narrowed it down to 3 reasons why I feel everyone should start doing it today!
Dating Yourself Builds Self-Confidence & Self-Esteem
Confidence is the feeling or consciousness of one’s power and comes from within. It’s your own belief in how good you are at something. During this time you will be able to continuously try, fail, and succeed at things that will in turn build your confidence.
According to the popular Youtube channel “Charisma on Command” there are two types of confidence: External and Internal. External confidence comes from how you project yourself with your style, body language and how you physically respond to situations. Internal confidence comes from the acceptance that you will always be okay regardless of others’ opinions of you. When you learn to combine the two, interactions with others will become much easier and more enjoyable.
Self-esteem is based on how worthy you deem yourself. When you’re confident in who you are, your sense of self worthiness increases. You can build your confidence and self-esteem by getting active, practicing self compassion, not comparing yourself to others, and speaking positive affirmations.
Dating yourself will allow your highest self to emerge and take root. Resulting in you becoming more confident, strengthening your self-esteem, and inspiring you to take the necessary risks to improve your life and create the life you ultimately want. Be patient with yourself during the process because all good things take time.
Dating Yourself Makes You More Independent
Alexa, play Independent Women, Pt. 1 by Destiny’s Child.
We all want to be that independent woman that doesn’t need a man. However, not all of us are willing to do what’s necessary to earn the title. Being independent means that you must learn to do things on your own. You need to learn how to provide for and take care of yourself. Now, there will be some things you may still need help with and that’s okay! But, you mustn’t get too comfortable with relying on others to do things that you are capable of doing for yourself. There is nothing that makes me feel more powerful than being able to provide and do things on my own! Having a sense of independence is a healthy trait to bring into a relationship as it can be quite exhausting for your partner if they’re constantly having to do everything for you. So learn how to do things by yourself and become more I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T (Webbie voice).
Acquire new skills, learn a different language, and challenge yourself to escape from your comfort zone and try new things. This is the perfect time to explore and become more adventurous.
If you aren't sure where to start, I’ve listed some of my favorite ways that I find enjoyable and I implore you to give them a try this Valentines Day and every day after.
I go on afternoon picnics quite frequently and have come to really enjoy spending time in nature. I’ll grab my favorite quilt, some of my favorite treats, a good book, my portable speaker and some edibles. If I feel like writing, I’ll grab my laptop just in case I get inspired. As I bask in the warmth of the sun, I’ll start to watch the people around me and listen to soothing music and just enjoy the day.
Take a Hike
If you’re looking for a way to get more active try taking yourself on a scenic hike. Please be smart about it and don’t mimic James Franco in 127 Hours, let someone know where you’re going and preferably do it during the day. Hiking is yet another way you can spend some quality time in nature and according to PositivePsychology.com being outdoors can reduce stress by lowering cortisol levels. You can also become more mindful of your surroundings which will help you to stay in the present moment.
Dinner & A Movie
Give the classic dinner and a movie a try! With it still being a Pandemic and all, you'll have to stick with watching a movie at home for now but you can still get all fancied up and take yourself out to a nice restaurant with outside dining or make yourself a delicious meal at home. Enjoy a nice glass or bottle of wine (nobody’s judging you during a quarantine) and savor every bite. No self-loathing allowed, treating yourself every now and again is necessary.
Dating Yourself Raises the Bar
Another glorious benefit for courting yourself is you'll no longer tolerate foolishness from others and you won't accept just the bare minimum. You'll learn how to properly handle and care for yourself, learning to love yourself in your own love language. And when you decide to introduce dating back into your life, you won't allow another person to treat you less than what you deserve because you'll be use to treating yourself with the amount of respect and dignity you once craved from others. Additionally, walking away from toxic relationships will be easier because you'll no longer fear being alone and will begin to enjoy your own company.
Don't allow yourself to be with someone only giving you minimal effort! Babygirl, you're worth more than that!
I can’t stress enough how beneficial taking time to yourself can be and I hope you give these self date ideas a try because spending quality time with yourself is never a waste. It’s important that you learn to enjoy your own company before you decide to spend the rest of your life with someone else. People will only love you at the same level that you love yourself and dating yourself will increase your self esteem, your self confidence and will help you raise the bar for when you decide to start dating others.
If you like these tips please share them with your single girlfriends and encourage them to start doing the same! Let's build each other up and inspire one another to build better relationships with ourselves. Happy Valentine's Day!
MEAGAN A. CULBERSON
Meagan is the Creator and Founder of SingleGirlClub.com. She strives to create content that will help encourage single women to build better relationships with themselves and inspire them to work towards their personal goals. Additionally, she is an aspiring film and tv producer and resides in Los Angeles, California.